One can never look at every other person with equal depth. So people seem to change to you the closer you get to them. How would I seem to change the closer you move to me?
Here’s a rough sketch:
When you first see me, you will immediately accrue the impression that I am extremely formal, an old fashioned good guy, if you will. Even a little juvenile. It appears that I respect elders and am blind to their faults, that I am polite and obedient, that I study very seriously, and am generally the kind of guy who: -
1>Sees great initial success in life, since he can memorise his texts well,
2>Is in the good books of all elders, who tell others to be like him,
3>Gets a good job, but then gets stuck in the middle rungs of the hierarchy,
4>Has a boring, ordinary wife and two kids,
5>Makes his kids like him, and
5>Dies with little to call his own, is forgotten swiftly and only his wife ever cries, because it is in the nature of wives to cry, no matter how little or great the loss SO LONG AS YOU DIE. Oh, and you will also notice that though I have considerable flair at oratory, I often shy away from speaking.
People also immediately assume that I am not normally attracted to the opposite sex.
Move closer in, though, stranger, and you will find that my respect of elders is a veneer to remain on the right side of authority. I firmly believe that respect can’t be demanded, it needs to be commanded. No-one is exempt from my judgment, no matter how old or venerable they might appear, and my judgment is often caustically accurate. I am quick to see the flaws and hypocrisies in others, and I feel no ambivalence in admitting that this ability comes from my recognition of the flaws and hypocrisies in me.
The great majority of people are complete jerks, let me tell you that. And the biggest reason men give for saving their ship at others’ expense is because OTHERS WOULD DO THE SAME.
There is no feebler excuse for doing something than that you thought others might do the same: it’s lazy, and stupid, and selfish, and reeks of an inferior mind, and if you function in this way, you and I can never be friends, in any true sense of the term. And save your breath, for I KNOW you have never had friends before.
I don’t study seriously. I work at a subject if the teacher is good at his job and makes me like it: I don’t CARE how high his IQ-cutoff-for-interest-generation is, I can match it and more, if he can deliver the goods. Even when I like a subject, I don’t have to sit at it for hours. A short, intense period rewards me more than amply. Other subjects, I hopelessly neglect.
IF I get a good job, I won’t remain stuck as mediocre. I’ll move right up to where satisfies my hunger. Try as you might, you won’t stop me.
I like oratory, I like reasoning, and I like delivering my reasoning. My flair hails from understanding every particle of what I read or say, and that flair transcends artificial training.
I shy away from speaking because most listeners have not the ability to assimilate reason: they hear the style, and are swayed. Off with such praise.
I am not REALLY attracted to a woman’s physical beauty, though it of course is a large factor. What I fall for is intelligence, empathy, and acceptance of that which is not necessarily like you. I do not believe in grouping of any kind, I don’t believe that I need to be ‘normal’ to be ‘cool’. Why should I subscribe to average-ness? I am not average, and good or bad, I am unabashed of me. Fuck off.
I try to accept people you might call abnormal. I might call them different. For all your deprecatory remarks, it just may be that he has the spine to stand up to you, the kind of spine YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE HAD.
So long as I see coherence and reasonability in your behaviour, and also no little honour, I’ll accept and respect you. Otherwise, I’ll lead you to believe I am just like you, and you need never know better. I’m sure you agree.
